Post Pathetic Facebook Status Things

[Alpha eX]

How the strawberry float did the 3rd person get a distinction? I really hate people who write like that.

[Gandalf]

[Blank] got a iGasm for her bday it has 8 speeds!! Yes 8!! Best strawberry floating present ever!!!!!!!

[Red Yoshi]

[Blank] got a iGasm for her bday it has 8 speeds!! Yes 8!! Best strawberry floating present ever!!!!!!!

I'm assuming that pun was completely unintentional on her behalf?

[Barley]

[Blank] is happy she is on the packing line at work now!

Sadly, I still would.

[qupe]

is happy that im gonna have the house to myself for the next week! woop woop!

next day

is looking to recruit a new sex slave to be at my beck and call 24/7

next day

is thinking that last night was pretty awesome with mr h!!! Damn babe ur amazin! xx

is still looking to recruit a new sex slave to be at my beck and call 24/7 and do exactly what i say! (50 mins after the one above - real amazing)

dislikes having the house to myself....need someone to stay with me! .

[Roonmastor]

is wondering how the hell the new facebook works!!

is not liking the new facebook.

wonders why we even 'needed' a new Facebook in the first place

is OMG NEW FACEBOOK IS AWFUL!

Get over it, people. Yes, even you Emily!

[Gandalf]

[Blank] is wondering why her kids dont listen... you say to them "dont ask 4 anything at other peoples houses.wat do they do as soon as they walk in.can i have a drink

Who gives a strawberry float?

[Stez]

This [Blank] chap is a right twat

[emilythestrange]

is wondering how the hell the new facebook works!!

is not liking the new facebook.

wonders why we even 'needed' a new Facebook in the first place

is OMG NEW FACEBOOK IS AWFUL!

Get over it, people. Yes, even you Emily!

Pfft, I didn't think that was such a bad thing to say, it was pointless changing it.

[Suffocate Peon]

It's funny how some people use facebook to document every moment of their lives. Like that -

[blank] is enjoying his apple tart and ice cream .

My god.

I know, I know, people should talk less and create more, do less and observe more.

[Jimmy Sizzle]

Here's a few choice ones from some of my 115 facebox knob mates

-[blank] is getting for the start of Arsenal’s campaign of the group stages of the Champions League.

If you're going to post something that inane then at least check it for glaring and irritating errors.

-[blank] is still feelin gooseberry fool n is possibly lookin 4new job.

The classic whinge and the old at least something new is on the horizon bollocks thrown in just in case anyone gives a gooseberry fool about their health and career.

-[blank] is having nightmares with this bloody computer.

Good thing facebook is available on that bloody computer so you could tell us all about these nightmares you're having, dickhead. Nothing like a bit of catharsis.

I'll post more as they come in, but there is one guy who only ever posts horribly cheery drivel about how amazing everything is. Lets call him Captain Moron and here's an example:

-Captain Moron is listening to Load by Metallica. I was 13 when this came out! Lol

Just ghastlty, and the album is gooseberry fool too. This guy's nauseating love of every little turd that drops into his brain really annoys me and I'm glad I don't actually live anywhere near him now, because I wouldn't be able to control myself when I see him. "How was Load then? Still like it do ya? 13 when it came out were you? Well isn't that a stupid, pointless thing to observe you prick"?

[jamcc]

Here's a few choice ones from some of my 115 facebox knob mates

-[blank] is getting for the start of Arsenal’s campaign of the group stages of the Champions League.

If you're going to post something that inane then at least check it for glaring and irritating errors.

-[blank] is still feelin gooseberry fool n is possibly lookin 4new job.

The classic whinge and the old at least something new is on the horizon bollocks thrown in just in case anyone gives a gooseberry fool about their health and career.

-[blank] is having nightmares with this bloody computer.

Good thing facebook is available on that bloody computer so you could tell us all about these nightmares you're having, dickhead. Nothing like a bit of catharsis.

I'll post more as they come in, but there is one guy who only ever posts horribly cheery drivel about how amazing everything is. Lets call him Captain Moron and here's an example:

-Captain Moron is listening to Load by Metallica. I was 13 when this came out! Lol

Just ghastlty, and the album is gooseberry fool too. This guy's nauseating love of every little turd that drops into his brain really annoys me and I'm glad I don't actually live anywhere near him now, because I wouldn't be able to control myself when I see him. "How was Load then? Still like it do ya? 13 when it came out were you? Well isn't that a stupid, pointless thing to observe you prick"?

Your post sounds like the kind of thoughts I'd have or the kind of rant I'd have at work.

[SEP]

-Captain Moron is listening to Load by Metallica. I was 13 when this came out! Lol

Just ghastlty, and the album is gooseberry fool too. This guy's nauseating love of every little turd that drops into his brain really annoys me and I'm glad I don't actually live anywhere near him now, because I wouldn't be able to control myself when I see him. "How was Load then? Still like it do ya? 13 when it came out were you? Well isn't that a stupid, pointless thing to observe you prick"?

So you're annoyed that he likes an album that you don't like? Doesn't that make you the nauseating little turd?

[Denster]

Check my latest!

[Doug Rocket]

-[BLANK] is gonna go on rob for hub cap!!!! lmao

Jesus wept.

[Jimmy Sizzle]

I find it baffling that so many people are happy to tell everybody the most boring things but are probably also revealing the most interesting thing they have going on in their lives at the moment. It makes me think that these social utilities are actually driving people away from eachother now. Why bother phoning someone for a chat and to see how they are when you can just look at their facebook page and discover that they've become twats or in many cases become bigger twats.

Here's a few more from Captain Moron:

Captain Moron - I'm like Metallica's new album 'Death Magnetic'. Relentless.

No gooseberry fool. Sixth status update in two days, all about Metallica and no more interesting than any previous efforts. strawberry float off.

Captain Moron - Enjoying 'Death Magnetic' at work. Today is all round going to be a fantastic day

When you set the bar as low as listening to music while at work constituting a "fantastic" day then you can't really fail can you? Wipe that smile off your face and look sharp, Moron. I don't think you're paid to listen to gooseberry fool and tell everyone about it. If you were, not a single record would sell.

Captain Moron - Gone old school - '...And Justice For All' today. That was released before even I was listening to metal - I was 7.. Wow

Wow indeed. Get this, I was listening to Elliott Smith today and he's dead. Isn't that like, so supernatural?

I'm starting to feel bad about this, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets so irked by this crap.

[Jimmy Sizzle]

-Captain Moron is listening to Load by Metallica. I was 13 when this came out! Lol

Just ghastlty, and the album is **** too. This guy's nauseating love of every little turd that drops into his brain really annoys me and I'm glad I don't actually live anywhere near him now, because I wouldn't be able to control myself when I see him. "How was Load then? Still like it do ya? 13 when it came out were you? Well isn't that a stupid, pointless thing to observe you prick"?

So you're annoyed that he likes an album that you don't like? Doesn't that make you the nauseating little turd?

I'm not annoyed that he likes the album. Just that he feels compelled to tell everyone about it. Like if I watched a film I really liked when I was 13, the idea of rushing to facebook to tell people it's still great is just weird to me. You get that don't ya?

[Oh Teh Noes]

You're a miserable bastard aren't you, Jimmy?

[aayl1]

I like Jimmy's ranting. It's great, and reminds me of me.

I'm great.

[Mini E]

strawberry floating hell Jimmy, if you don't like the updates so much, either don't use facebook or get rid of the "captain moron"
Just stop being such a miserable bastard