Last film you watched and your rating

[Drumstick]

Moving on from Futurama...

Psycho - 9/10

First time viewing, loved it, the only downside was that I watched it in two parts. I was originally going to watch it last night but I felt too tired to continue with it, so I switched it off after she got to the motel. The ending was amazing.

I really wasn't expecting him to be dressed up as his mother when he bursts into the basement after the woman discovers the corpse.

Brilliant.

[nsm]

Irreversible - I absoloutely loved the first half of this film with it's weird camera movements and long single shot shots, but not much happens in the 2nd half and I think maybe the film would have been better if it wasn't in reverse.

It still gets a solid 9/10.

The first half made me want to puke, but I think the real genius of this film is the fact that it is in reverse order, otherwise it would have been a straight forward revenge film.

[Skarjo]

Irreversible - I absoloutely loved the first half of this film with it's weird camera movements and long single shot shots, but not much happens in the 2nd half and I think maybe the film would have been better if it wasn't in reverse.

It still gets a solid 9/10.

The first half made me want to puke, but I think the real genius of this film is the fact that it is in reverse order, otherwise it would have been a straight forward revenge film.

I concur.

How on earth would it be better if played in chronological order?

[Drunken_Master]

Irreversible - I absoloutely loved the first half of this film with it's weird camera movements and long single shot shots, but not much happens in the 2nd half and I think maybe the film would have been better if it wasn't in reverse.

It still gets a solid 9/10.

Remind me to avoid you.

I saw the uncut version, with it's full on hardcore gay stuff in the Rectum club. I have been scarred.

[nsm]

Irreversible - I absoloutely loved the first half of this film with it's weird camera movements and long single shot shots, but not much happens in the 2nd half and I think maybe the film would have been better if it wasn't in reverse.

It still gets a solid 9/10.

Remind me to avoid you.

I saw the uncut version, with it's full on hardcore gay stuff in the Rectum club. I have been scarred.

There's an uncut version???

DO NOT WANT.

[satriales]

Irreversible - I absoloutely loved the first half of this film with it's weird camera movements and long single shot shots, but not much happens in the 2nd half and I think maybe the film would have been better if it wasn't in reverse.

It still gets a solid 9/10.

The first half made me want to puke, but I think the real genius of this film is the fact that it is in reverse order, otherwise it would have been a straight forward revenge film.

I concur.

How on earth would it be better if played in chronological order?

Actually I take that back, thinking about it more I like the film being in reverse it's just the fact that nothing really happens in the 2nd half that bothered me.

[Cuttooth]

The Punisher - 5.5/10 - Something about this film. i really want to enjoy it, but it has some of the most horrible gooseberry fool in it. Thomas jane was a horrible Punisher (Loved the logo). The music was HORRIBLE, and the bits without the punisher were the best

him telling everyone he isnt dead....

I really liked the Tom Jane Punisher, it isn't brilliant but it isn't the worst comic-book based movie there's been.

Psycho - 9/10

Brilliant

It really is. I watched it for the first time about eight years ago and didn't think a lot of it but subsequent viewings lead me to beleive that as a film, it is essentially flawless.

[aayl1]

EXT. SOME SMALL TOWN

ELLEN PAGE guzzles SUNNY D as some obnoxious INDIE SONG blares in the background so that everyone knows that this is an intellectual, independent film.

She enters a convenience store and meets RAINN WILSON.

ELLEN PAGE

I need to use the bathroom, as I’ve been downing delicious, high-quality Sunny Delight for the past hour.

RAINN WILSON

Sunny Delight? You mean the delicious orange-flavored drink containing a full day’s supply of vitamin C in every serving?

ELLEN PAGE

That’s right! I found it in the fridge, behind the purple stuff! Now relinquish the bathroom key geeves, I for shizz need to spout.


RAINN WILSON

I can barely understand you. Is there a reason you’re talking like what seems like a teenager designed by a committee of adults that have researched youth by watching MTV around the clock?

ELLEN PAGE

Yes, and you better start talking like that too or you’ll have no place in the movie, Dwight.

RAINN WILSON

Oh, er, uh, I mean that’s one doodle that can’t be undid homeskillet oh my god I need a new agent.

ELLEN PAGE

You’re so quirky! And so am I!

ELLEN pisses on a pregnancy test and it tells her that she’s PREGNANT as well as PRECOCIOUS.

ELLEN PAGE

This sucks. The only thing left to do is walk home morosely while yet another obnoxious indie song blares.

ELLEN walks home, then calls her friend OLIVIA THIRLBY.

ELLEN PAGE

Hey Olivia. So I’m pregs for real.

OLIVIA THIRLBY

OhMyGodLikeForRealForRealPregs?

ELLEN PAGE

Holy crap, what the hell are you saying? Did someone encrypt your copy of the script or something?

OLIVIA THIRLBY

YouShouldTotallyGetAnAToTheBortion.

ELLEN PAGE

Yeah. First I need you to help me salvage the chair I lost my virginity in, which is on a lawn for some reason that is almost definitely quirky.

They take the chair, then ELLEN sets up an entire living room set in front of MICHAEL CERA’S HOME.

MICHAEL CERA

Ellen, hey. I like the couch on my front sidewalk, it’s incredibly quirky of you.

ELLEN PAGE

Yeah, well I’m pretty quirky.

MICHAEL CERA

So what are you doing here? Do you need someth-

ELLEN PAGE

Wait, hold on. Your track team is about to come running by and I need to do a voice over narration for no particularly reason, even though I only do it like three more times in the entire movie.

ELLEN PAGE (V.O.)

Whenever I see the track team, I can’t help but picture their penises, because doing so allows me to explain that fact in a voice over narration that I can end with the very hip term “pork swords.”

ELLEN PAGE

Alright, sorry about that. What were we talking about? Oh right, I’m pregnant and it’s yours.

MICHAEL CERA

Rather than freak the hell out like a typical high school student, I’m going to sputter around for words awkwardly and barely finish complete sentences. It’s kind of my thing.

ELLEN calls an ABORTION CLINIC to make an appointment.

CLINIC RECEPTIONIST (O.S.)

Crimson River Abortion Clinic, how may I help you?

ELLEN PAGE

Hi. I’d like to make an appointment for an abortion. Oh wait hang on my Hamburger Phone is acting up.

(shakes phone)

Alright, there we go.

CLINIC RECEPTIONIST (O.S.)

Alright, well just come in any time and we can tak-

ELLEN PAGE

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don’t think you heard me. I’m talking on a HAMBURGER PHONE. How zany is that? That’s for shizz quirky.

ELLEN goes to the CLINIC and signs in. Another INDIE SONG blares over the scene to make sure you remember that you are supporting INDEPENDENT CINEMA by watching this movie.

CLINIC RECEPTIONIST

Please sign in here. Do you want a free condom? They make my boyfriend’s penis taste like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

ELLEN PAGE

Wow, what a completely quirky and inappropriate thing to say to a complete stranger!

CLINIC RECEPTIONIST

I know, right!?

ELLEN suddenly runs out of the CLINIC and visits her friend OLIVIA.

OLIVIA THIRLBY

WhatAreYouDoingOhMiGod?

ELLEN PAGE

I decided I want to keep the baby so that I can star in a wholly overrated independent film about a teenager giving her baby to a childless couple.

ELLEN sits down to talk to her father and stepmother.

ELLEN PAGE

So, I’m pregnant.

J.K. SIMMONS

WHAT YOU’RE strawberry floating 16 WHAT THE FU-

ELLEN PAGE

Dad, you’re in an indie flick, remember?

J.K. SIMMONS

Oh right. Sorry, I didn’t mean to blow up, I meant to make a dry, sarcastic remark.

ALLISON JANNEY

And I’d like to follow that up with a second barb.

ELLEN PAGE

It’s Michael Cera’s. The kid from Arrested Development.

J.K. SIMMONS

Huh. I didn’t think he had it in him.

ELLEN PAGE

What, sperm?

ELLEN goes ahead with her pregnancy and the movie SAVED plays out with fewer JOKES and more PRETENTIOUSNESS.

ELLEN finds a couple to adopt her kid: JASON BATEMAN and JENNIFER GARNER. ELLEN goes to meet them.

JENNIFER GARNER

We’re so happy you’d consider us despite the fact that I starred in Elektra.

JASON BATEMAN

So who is the father of the little bastard?

ELLEN PAGE

Oh, just this awkward, typecast kid at school named Michael Cera.

JASON BATEMAN

No gooseberry fool? He played my son on Arrested Development. I look forward to the scene in this movie that reunites us for the first time since the show was canceled, which is sure to be a real pleasure for fans.

That scene NEVER HAPPENS. ELLEN agrees to give her kid to JENNIFER and JASON.

TIME PASSES and MORE INDIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYS. ELLEN goes through the various scenes that movies about pregnant people are obligated to include.

She visits JASON BATEMAN.

JASON BATEMAN

Hey Ellen. Want to watch some indie horror films and listen to some indie music together?

ELLEN PAGE

That sounds great! I sure hope that watching the movie isn’t interrupted by me having to go puke my guts out, sweaty and hunched over the toilet.

(pause)

Just kidding, none of that crap happens in the movie. Pregnancy is easy-peasy.

JASON BATEMAN

Well, I have good news. I’m leaving Jennifer Garner.

ELLEN PAGE

Why, because your marriage to her has robbed you of your youth, which you have been reminded of since you started hanging around with me?

JASON BATEMAN

No, I just rented 13 Going On 30. I can’t even look at her now. Has she been in anything good?

ELLEN PAGE

Oh. Because if it was the other thing, then you could take notice of the fact that I remind you of your younger days despite the fact that my current predicament requires a level of maturity far beyond my years, and you could enjoy the contrast between our situations that is ironically illustrated by having us both get along so well.

JASON BATEMAN

How artistic!

ELLEN PAGE

You’re goddamn right it is! Bring on the Oscars!

LIVEJOURNAL: THE MOVIE continues. JASON abandons JENNIFER GARNER. ELLEN page gives birth while some more INDIE MUSIC plays.

JENNIFER GARNER

Yay, now I get to raise an adopted kid in a broken home so that I can be overly protective and insane.

ELLEN PAGE

And I passed all of my classes and everything! Pregnancy is as unobtrusive as it is without consequence!

MICHAEL CERA

So now that you popped the kid out, I think we’re in love with each other. What should we do to express our love? Make out? Have sex again? Go buy seasons one through three of Arrested Development?

ELLEN PAGE

Have you been watching a different movie? We should play yet more indie music together.

They DO. EVERYONE convinces themselves they loved the movie so that they don’t feel STUPID.

END

http://www.the-editing-room.com/juno.html

I rather enjoyed Juno, actually.

[Hulohot]

It's not a movie, but I am nearly at the final episode of One Foot in the Grave again. Tears will be shed. The part when Victor pushes the guy strangling Patrick out of the window, and falling too really got to me.

11/10

[Abs]

That's brilliant, so true aswell.

[Skarjo]

ELLEN PAGE

Yeah. First I need you to help me salvage the chair I lost my virginity in, which is on a lawn for some reason that is almost definitely quirky.

[Jax]

That was great. They do shorter versions of those in Total Film, don't they?

EDIT: Holy gooseberry fool there's one for The Dark Knight on that site.

HEATH LEDGER CLOWN

No, I kill the bus driver.

RANDOM CLOWN #3

Bus driver? As in a person who drives a bus? That’s extremely confusing to me, for you see I am not aware of any bus thus far in the heist. How strange of you to mention a vehicle that I have yet to be aware of in any capacity. Let me just take a few steps to the left while I stand and ponder what you could possibly mean by that.

[aayl1]

The Dark Knight one is great. Though I'm pretty sure the fundraiser that Wayne holds that the Joker invades isn't Wayne's penthouse, but oh well.

MORGAN FREEMAN enters CHRISTIAN’S LAIR and finds an array of tiny LCDs monitoring the entire city using SONAR.

MORGAN FREEMAN

What the hell? How did you rig this thing up without me? You needed me to staple bat ears to a black mask.

[Drunken_Master]

Seconds - With the advent of the internet, it's very rare that you actually 'discover' a lost film. I'd seen this years ago and just recently manage to 'acquire' it. It isn't readily available, I'm afraid.

Anyway, It's about a successful middle aged man, bored with life who enters into a faustian pact with a mysterious company who will give him a new life, but at a price.

Made by John Frankenheimer in the 60's, this was ignored whilst his other thematically similar 60's film, The Manchurian Candidate was lauded. This is actually a better. It has a brilliantly sinister tone throughout and has an absolute belter of an ending. The best film you've never heard of, let alone seen.

[thousand yard stare]

Sounds interesting. I just looked it up on IMDB, and I think I guessed the twist -

they kill a guy who's life the customer is going to take over, so is the twist that the main character will get killed at the end of the film by the company to allow another customer to take over his life?

[Drunken_Master]

Sounds interesting. I just looked it up on IMDB, and I think I guessed the twist -

they kill a guy who's life the customer is going to take over, so is the twist that the main character will get killed at the end of the film by the company to allow another customer to take over his life?

Pretty much.

[thousand yard stare]

I think I only got it cos the set up reminded me of that forthcoming remake of a twilight zone ep that the Donnie Darko director's making, it was originally called something like Button, Button, written by Richard Mathieson? Get me.

[Skarjo]

I think I only got it cos the set up reminded me of that forthcoming remake of a twilight zone ep that the Donnie Darko director's making, it was originally called something like Button, Button, written by Richard Mathieson? Get me.

A whole movie?



The ultimate Hollywood fallacy; a story that makes a great 1/2 hour short film must automatically make a good feature length movie. When, in fact, very quickly pace dies, the story drags and the resultant pay off is nowhere near as good as it would have been had it arrived an hour eariler.

[thousand yard stare]

I watched some old ep of Tales of Unexpected on youtube the other day that really put the gooseberry fools up me when I was a kid, and to be honest they padded that one out, you could have told the story more effectively over ten or 15 minutes. Still pretty creepy though - it was the one where a paedo is in the area killing young girls, and the central character, a schoolgirl, goes on a bus journey where she meets a creepy bloke. Not that I'd normally recommend Tales, but that was a good one!

[Drunken_Master]

I watched some old ep of Tales of Unexpected on youtube the other day that really put the gooseberry fools up me when I was a kid, and to be honest they padded that one out, you could have told the story more effectively over ten or 15 minutes. Still pretty creepy though - it was the one where a paedo is in the area killing young girls, and the central character, a schoolgirl, goes on a bus journey where she meets a creepy bloke. Not that I'd normally recommend Tales, but that was a good one!

Tales of the Unexpected is fantastic. ITV4 showed pretty much all them in one day, a few months ago. My three favourites


1. Season 1, Ep 1: Man From the South
8.91 Review

A young American sailor on shore-leave in the West Indies is tempted by a crazy bet. To win a new Cadillac, all he needs to do is to make his cigarette-lighter light ten times without any failures. In return, he has to stake one of his fingers. But what is the truth about Carlos, the high-rolling old man who has proposed the bet?

4. Season 1, Ep 4: Lamb to the Slaughter
8.6 Reviews

An enraged detective's wife, Mary Maloney, kills her husband Patrick by smashing in his skull with a heavy blunt instrument - but no murder weapon can be found, and the police are baffled. The answer to the riddle lies under the detectives' noses - or, rather, it did...

16. Season 2, Ep 7: Taste
7.9 Reviews

Richard Pratt, a famous middle-aged wine connoisseur, is having dinner with the Schofields for the third time. Twice before, he has won a case of wine from Mike Schofield by correctly identifying the claret served with dinner. This time, Pratt wishes to increase the stakes - he offers his London house and his place in the country against the hand in marriage of the Schofields' teenage daughter, Louise. And Schofield (who is sure he has found a wine no one could identify) persuades Louise to agree to the bet. After all, this wine is unguessable...