Tamiflu Resistant Swine Flu Strain *pg 42*

Slartibartfast wrote:Worst straight to GR I've ever done. Can't sleep nor move, sweating and dizzy as strawberry float. And my girlfriend has gone down ill too.

Blearrrrgh.

FatDaz wrote:

Slartibartfast wrote:Worst straight to GR I've ever done. Can't sleep nor move, sweating and dizzy as strawberry float. And my girlfriend has gone down ill too.

Blearrrrgh.

Yeah I had major fever when I got struck down. Sweating like a virgin in a brothel but physically trembling as I thought I was cold.

Rome, 2 Sept. (AKI) - A 35 year-old Italian tourist is one of three people believed to have been infected with A(H1N1) virus, or swine flu, as well as the H5N1 virus, known as avian flu. The patients are recovering in the Egyptian Red Sea resort of Hurghada, said Mohammed Rifai, director general of preventive medicine.

Rifai also spoke of a 28-year-old man who tested positive for both viruses, after arriving at the port of Safaga after a pilgrimage to Saudi Arabia.

"We are waiting the results of the tests that have already been carried out in some patients suspected of having been infected by the H5N1 and the A(H1N1)," said World Health Organisation spokesman Gregory Hartl in an interview with Adnkronos Salute.

"However, at the moment there are no confirmed cases."

Hartl, however, did not want to specify the nationality of the suspected cases.

Last week in Chile, the A(H1N1) virus was found in turkeys, raising concern that poultry farms elsewhere in the world may also become infected with the pandemic swine flu virus.

The United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization interim chief veterinary officer, Juan Lubroth, said that it could theoretically become more dangerous if the A(H1N1) combines with H5N1, commonly known as bird flu, which is far more deadly but harder to pass along among humans.

The emergence of new influenza virus strains capable of affecting humans and domestic animals remains a broader, more general concern that is being closely monitored by FAO, the World Organization for Animal Health and the World Health Organization.

In addition, the first mass vaccinations against swine flu will be available from November in Italy, the Italian government has announced.

The vaccine is expected to be available for those most at risk, an estimated 24 million Italians or 40 percent of the population.

According to Italian media reports, the government is planning to release eight million doses from mid-November until mid-December.

Another 16 million doses of the vaccine are expected to be available from 31 January 2010.

The ministry of health, together with medical officials and regional representatives, will work together with doctors to administer the vaccine free of charge.

In the first phase, the vaccine will be offered to health workers and to those most at risk, including residents of nursing homes and pregnant women as well as family doctors.

Another round of vaccines will be made available to those aged between two and 65 years of age, suffering from respiratory illnesses by the end of the year.

Others aged between two and 27 years will be eligible for another round of vaccines at the end of January.

I just deleted my mom's number from my cell phone. That's because she called me in a panic after seeing a special on CNN about swine flu asking me what she should do. How about getting a clue, mom? Idiot.

You're all idiots. If you've spent more than a few minutes worrying about swine flu, you are an idiot. That's because it only takes a few minutes to look up the symptoms, mortality rate, and treatment to realize that it's no different from the common flu (which kills way more people and by extension is way more awesome), and going back to whatever it is you were doing, which was probably turning off CNN and canceling your cable subscription. In fact, worrying at all makes you an idiot. Why worry? Cowards worry and there is a 100% overlap between people who worry and people who regularly make cowardly decisions. That's why natural disasters kick so much ass. You never really know when they're going to hit, so you might as well let go and stop being such a scared pussy all the time. You'll cross the bridge of death when you get to it. Time to start taking risks, asshole! Quit your job. Quit answering your boss' calls during your time off. Go do something with your life. Jesus!

Which leads me to why swine flu is stupid. If I were to worry about anything—and I don't—swine flu would be pretty near the bottom of the list. Here's a list of things that are a higher priority of things to worry about:

# Dying alone.
# Not getting recognized for your genius.
# Settling for a shitty job.
# Getting married.

Just to be clear, not getting married isn't a problem, getting married is. Most people, due to fears of dying alone, will marry some jackass because they think nothing better will come along. They're usually right. But even if you find someone who isn't a total cock, marrying them will ruin everything because marriage is a false institution, and a waste of time and money. Cancel that big wedding party and buy a house, dipshits! Nobody wants to go to wedding parties. Besides, big gatherings lend themselves to communicable diseases. Holy gooseberry fool that was a sweet transition. For those of you still not convinced that swine flu is bullshit, here's a list of symptoms for swine flu versus the regular flu:

See no difference? That's because there is no difference. Quit closing schools down every time someone gets swine flu, morons!

The problem isn't swine flu, but people talking about it (this article withstanding, because I'm the exception to every rule, that rule withstanding). Remember SARS? More bullshit. Fewer than 800 people died from it world wide. Yet the news networks prattled on about it for months. Now the slow news cycle lends itself to talking about swine flu ad nauseum even though there's already a vaccine for it. Oh, didn't know there was a vaccine? Yeah there has been a vaccine for it in the works almost since the beginning, rendering this non-issue even more irrelevant.

I will never take the swine flu vaccine because I already have it; it's called my immune system, and it's badass. I have never gotten sick in my life. My immune system is so strong that I have to get AIDS just to be normal. Your best defense against getting swine flu is to be me. Your second best defense is to have me cough in your face.

In fact, I'm going to put my money where my mouth is:

Swine Flu Challenge:

I'm holding a contest because I want to get swine flu just to prove how stupid it is. If I get it (unlikely), I will document my recovery on Youtube for the entire duration. Expect a short video. Here's what I'm willing to do:

Contest Rules:

# One lucky person will get the opportunity to fly me out to where you live* for one night**, and you get to sneeze in my face.
# Winner must provide a proof of having swine flu (signed doctor blood test or something along those lines).
# Winner must not have any other bullshit diseases. I don't want your herpes, even though I can't get them.

* First class accomodations only.
** Winner must pay for at least one night of hotel accomodations (5 star or higher) unless you are a hot chick and want me to crash at your place. I will sleep in your bed and you will sleep on the couch. Winner must also agree to let me try on all their clothes and eat their food.

This contest is real. Email me if you have swine flu and are willing to fly me out to sneeze in my face. Don't email me unless you're serious and unless you have the money to fly me out first class. I'm totally serious about getting swine flu, but I have other gooseberry fool to do too, so your window of opportunity is limited. You must fly me out between September 7, 2009 and September 21, 2009 because I'll be on book tour before then. If you miss your window of opportunity, too bad. Plan better next time and don't get sick unless I hold a contest. Make it happen.

Cuttooth wrote:Calling JK to the thread:

What are the actual chances that this would cause avian 'flu to be as contagious among humans as swine 'flu?

I will never take the swine flu vaccine because I already have it; it's called my immune system, and it's badass. I have never gotten sick in my life. My immune system is so strong that I have to get AIDS just to be normal.

Cuttooth wrote:Calling JK to the thread:

What are the actual chances that this would cause avian 'flu to be as contagious among humans as swine 'flu?

Cuttooth wrote:So, semi-panic?

Herr Dark Wolf wrote:The end is nigh: Swine flu and avian flu co-infection:

mike_hayes wrote:There's something to be said about flying pigs here but I don't know what.

MCN wrote:

Herr Dark Wolf wrote:The end is nigh: Swine flu and avian flu co-infection:

Is this proof that pigs can fly?

Rightey wrote:Thought I'd give this a bump, seems the governments here have made a mess of ordering the vaccines as there's not enough to go around meaning long wait times even for people who are at the top of the list to get it, pregnant mothers, children under 5, people with serious diseases etc.

Also a bunch of pro athletes have been able to jump the lines somehow, wankers! Why are they giving shots to the Toronto Maple Leafs, they've one two games all season! No one would even notice if they didn't show up to a game at the rate they're going!