GRcade

Anonymous wrote:Who is more beautiful: Shigeru Miyamoto, Reggie or Iwata?

Now I don't really follow gaming or gaming news that much, although I have recently joined in with the E3 stream-a-thons that occur every year. Did I say recently? I meant for the last four years. Why do I watch it? Because I want to make love to Shigsy, Reggie and Iwata, all at the same time.

"Greedy bastard", you say? "Take one and leave the other two for similarly inclined folk", you say? Okay then, but first I need to find out which one I want to slip my monolithic friction whistle into the most.

So Shigsy's got that all-Japanese look about him. He just makes me want to snuggle him up and kiss him until he plays Wii Tennis with my balls. When I was a young lad, I thought he was Nintendo; I imagined him to be some kind of machine-man who fired Mario games out of his rectum every Christmas. This makes him special to me; you could say I think of him as a dreamboat.

Reggie. Big, bad Reggie. This guy's got a look that says he'll throw you through your bedroom window and run upstairs to ravage you up against your wardrobe before you realise he's opened the car door. He's so manly, and I think this is what really attracts me to him; you just know that he'd slap you around and make you feel like a real man. He's go that chiselled jaw and those strong hands that can turn my legs to jelly.

Finally, we turn to the cutie teddy bear Iwata. I'd let him confirm me all night long, with his puppy dog eyes and his soft voice. If you're in it for the long-run and you don't want action, I'd say Iwata is your man. Unfortunately, it can be hard to understand what he's saying, so depending on how much you value conversation in a relationship, this could be a deal-breaker.

As a conclusion, it is clear that Shigeru Miyamoto would be my ideal Nintendo-man. He's the guy who'll make you believe anything he tells you, just because you know that at any moment he could pull out a baton and conduct an orchestra of monkeys, creatures with fungi growing off their heads and fat Italian plumbers.

I'd let him confirm me all night long